The Normal According to Ann

Where have all my pictures gone?

2011-04-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

Where have all my pictures gone, pictures gone, pictures gone, where have all my pictures gone? Please give them back to me. *Try singing this with me to the tune of a nursery rhyme*

I never did own the pictures, however, they were free, so what can I expect? Nothing really.

So now I'm dreaming of having my own web site, affordably, yet professionally hosted. I can always dust bunny off my e-commerce skills and build that web site that I always meant to create. It will command traffic like the DVP during rush hour. It will never run out of gas. It will be hilarious, spontaneous and very witty, just like me. Sigh.

I will take my own pictures, or pay for artistic shots from a professional photographer. There will be advertising for all organizations that I support. They must be charitable, child-friendly, eco-conscious, and fun.

I don't think I'm asking for too much. I can dream. Or I can get me arse off the couch and get me a fab site darn it all!

Oh for the love of Pete. I shrunk my photo up top. But hey, it kinda looks a wee bit better me thinks.

The dangers of home daycares

2011-02-20T10:52:00.000-08:00

I wish that the Canadian government would make it mandatory for there to be licensed daycare available to all young children in Canada.

And this is why I think this way.

We left my daughter in the part-time care of Jill* and Bob* when I went back to work while my husband, who had been let go during the recession, needed free days to go job hunting and go to interviews.

When he landed a job after not working for 13 months, my daughter was left in the care of Jill and Bob's daycare before and after school and on any days that the school was closed but we were working.

We did our due diligence from time to time just to make sure that things were operating fine in this daycare. My mom friend who babysat for many years gave me tips on how to make sure my daughter was being cared for properly. My husband Jon would show up earlier than expected to pick up Normandie so that he could see if anything strange was going on. I would show up on time, but I would sometimes use the side entrance to see if there was anything that should not be going on in the backyard. Everything seemed more than fine, the children were having fun playing and the child minder was outside.

I also asked Normandie at dinner what the favourite part of her day was at school and at daycare, and what was the worst part of her day at daycare or school. I asked this question every once in a while. Her responses didn't raise any red flags.

And then one month after she was there full time, Normandie complained about Lindsay* bullying her. Lindsay would tell her to stop spazzing out and to stop being a baby. She would make comments under her breath so that the child minders couldn't hear. She would get the other girls all worked up and then have a go at my daughter and the others would be joining in. Lindsay would say, "It's not like we're going to make a club about you."

Even after Jon spoke to Jill, and Jill spoke to Lindsay's father, her behaviours didn't change.

What really got me was when it came down to Lindsay putting snow down the back of Normandie's jacket and the shovel just missing my daughter's head and neck. Lindsay is in grade seven and my daughter is in grade two. It wasn't right. And it scared me that this could escalate into something physical.

So I chugged down as much Pepto-Bismol as I could when I had the flu and marched down to their house on a Saturday morning and we both sat down as families to talk about this.

Bill was almost offended and thought that our daughter needed to perhaps suck it up a bit more. His wife didn't agree and we didn't either. So we left with the deal that Lindsay, who was too old to be at a daycare, would be given two weeks notice to find another place to go and we would keep Normandie out of their daycare until it was safe to return her. But we left with a bad taste in out mouths.

Bob had challenged us and in doing so left his wife upset and left us feeling uneasy. We put our daughter into a daycare right across the street from them with Catherine* and Normandie was happy and so were we. So two days later when Jill called to say that we could send our daughter back on Monday on our voice mail we had clear second thoughts.

We asked Normandie what she wanted to do. She let us know that she wanted to stay where she was.

So Jon called Jill and let her know that when he told Normandie that she was going back to Jill's that she got very upset, and he embellished a bit, so that there would possibly be no hurt feelings.

There were all kinds of emotions though and Jill and Bob were the most emotive. Bob was yacking in the background at Jill while she was on the phone with Jon.

Why were they so emotive when they shared stories with us about Lindsay saying that Bill couldn't hug the younger girls because she thought it was disgusting and sexual abuse? Lindsay would tell her parents that Jill was mean to her. And we found out that another older girl started to mimic Jill and pick on my daughter as well. Lindsay even told lies about my daughter and said stupid stuff about the babies. She was a problem waiting to explode.

That gave us more reasons not to send Normandie back.

We called Catherine and asked her if she would be willing to take Normandie and she said yes. And guess what? Our daughter was not the first to defect from across the street.

In order to do the best for our daughter and do the right thing for Jill and Bob, we decided that we would go over to their place after the other parents left and she would give us our income tax receipts and we would pay her two weeks notice. Not that we were getting anything in return for that $200 though.

So I said to my husband to give me the money because I'd had enough - I put my mommy armour on. I stood on their front porch at the same time that other parents were coming to pick up their children. And Jill invited us in, but we stayed put. Me in the front and my husband behind me. Jill started whining about how unfair it was that she had sent away the other girl and now Normandie wasn't coming back and that we had promised. It was clear to me that they would have kept Lindsay if they knew that Normandie was leaving, putting some other children at risk.

Then Jill started to get angry and so I said to her that since she was angry that this was not up for discussion, as this was not personal, that this was business, and that she needed to get used to children coming and going from her business. I thanked her very much for looking after our daughter and I said that I thought it only fair that we give her money for the next two weeks and I handed over free money to her.

Not once did I argue about how unfair everything had been to my daughter, and not once did we get angry.

So I have to wonder who the true bully was in this story.

So, if any mom or dad asks us what we think about our last neighbourhood babysitter then we're simply going to say "No comment."

And when Jill was getting angry I said to her "Normandie is no longer coming to your daycare," as she was trying to argue that she should be. But then she retorted, "Don't worry she's not welcome here anymore."

So now we have someone in our neighbourhood who would more likely step over our daughter if she was hurt on the sidewalk than help her because of our disagreement. I couldn't imagine finding one of her children and doing the same. But when the school called the next day to say that Normandie had a terrible nose bleed she didn't help out by giving the new babysitter's information, or calling us, she just said that she is NOT Normandie's daycare provider. So her business is not about the best interests of the children, it's about getting money and not watching children because that's much easier.

My mother said it sounds like they wore their dark sunglasses when the daycare was open and did not watch the children.

I think that I agree with my mum, this one time anyways.

I'm saving for private school and still considering being a stay-at-home mom again.

Do you think that we need government organized, regulated and safe daycare with staff for children of all ages in Canada?

*names changed to keep their anonymity even though I feel like telling anyone who currently brings their child to their daycare or who may in the future just what they may be in for.

I'm sorry for the tragedy that happened yesterday

2011-01-09T10:56:00.000-08:00

As a Canadian I am sorry for the tragedy that happened in Arizona yesterday. And as an individual I feel that this is not my time to mourn, that this is my time to say that this is the beginning of the end. The end to violence and hatred.

While those close to the people and the family members of the seriously wounded and killed are in mourning, I can only feel empathy. But I can't say that this is a day for mourning for me. Rather this is a day of reflection for me.

I am not a preacher, so I speak about what difference I am going to make moving forward.

In thinking with an open mind and an open heart. I want to start making a difference in how I treat Mother Earth and how I treat the children, women, and men around me.

I am not going to start by hating the haters. I am going to start by being open to offering peace to others and accepting peace in return.

I say the following to acknowledge the hatred that I'm seeing in the world. Sarah Palin will no longer be on my radar. I'll be flicking the channel super quick before I watch the final season episode of her in Alaska. I will watch shows like The Nature of Things with commentary by David Suzuki instead.

I will read web sites that promote love, understanding, happiness, and humour. I will not visit sites that have maps on them with cross hairs over places where people should be targeted after the reloading of guns.

My Tomorrow

Even though I'm a working mom, I will build my fresh vegetable garden bigger in the summer. Offering promising fruits of happiness, and health for my family, especially my daughter. Offering me a chance to give back to the kind neighbour who passes cucumbers and tomatoes, spinach and zucchini yearly over the fence. I will offer her our wee tomatoes in return. I will grow flowers of joy to rejoice in nature and for others to look at. I will plant sunflowers that will grow so tall that they will greet my five neighbours on all sides of us. And because they will be so tall they will wave to those walking the milk path behind our garden.

I will buy local to support our local farmers and engage in conversation with them. I will ask my friend Joan about more of her agricultural endeavours in the city I call home. I will show her that I'm interested in what she is doing and I will ask her advice.

I will find out who the gentle woman is who knits hats and scarves for all of the children who go to our school and find out a bit about her and give back to her. Or, if she is the kind of soul who wants nothing in return, then I will turn in another direction and pay it forward.

I will stop all bullying behaviours from school aged children and those adults who still engage in that type of behaviour because no one ever made them stop. I'll tell them to stop until I am blue in the face. I will not permit hatred, abuse and violence in my community to run ragged over people who have kind hearts.

I will bring peace to my daughter, my husband, my friends, co-workers and strangers on the street. I will not speak out in an angry tone out of hatred, but rather to stand up to it, to put a stop to it and with an open heart and an open mind remain open to befriending a difficult person when they are ready.

It is a new year, a new era, and I believe that some of these thoughts extend way beyond me.

It is time for the world to heal and the people who inhabit this world to heal as well. I can do my part in the spot where I am standing now. Idealistic yes, but a great deal better than what has now become a sad state of reality.

Be a good sport - says my daughter.

Live well, say I.

$465 US a body part!

2010-12-23T12:03:00.000-08:00

Eff me. That's about the most swearing you're going to get out of me. But if there ever was a time to use bad language it would be now.

I'm getting an MRI to test for MS, and a couple of things to check in my spine. I had a fall in October after my legs gave out and I bounced down the pavement on my front and severely sprained my ankle and foot, and broke a toe. I have to wait until September! Seriously!

I've had neurological problems before, including chronic pain. And then four and a half years later my neurological signs and symptoms started again. The chronic pain has always hung around. But I went from being in pain 24/7 to having good days and bad days. I also haven't had a narcotic med in a year.

When I had one disturbing episode where the pain shot down my spine out my left leg, and then my left side of my body went numb, and my left limbs pulled in towards my body, and my head shook from side to side, my husband rushed me to the doctor. He said "Holy shit" amongst other words and said that the best choice for me was to go to Buffalo as he was already sending other patients there to get MRIs because of the long line ups for MRIs following SARS.

I was tested for MS and a brain tumour but nothing showed up.

As we came back across the border from the states to Canada, the border guard asked how much the MRI was, probably just to check why we barely spent any time in New York state and I replied "$465 US a body part!" It was worth paying that times three.

As long as my body remains quiet for the remainder of the year I'll wait and have my MRI in Toronto, otherwise, if something else should return I will be happy to pay the same fee to go back again. It's worth it.

What are your views on private health care, or having to pay for services that are offered for free in Canada but that you have to wait too long for? Please feel free to share your comments.

Thanks super woman

2010-12-16T19:34:00.000-08:00

Thanks a great deal to the first ever woman who decided that it was a fantastic idea to be super woman. Have child, will work.

It's too idealistic to work while trying to raise a regular, normal young girl. Normandie has migraines and I'm missing work for her or going in late until I can help her control her headaches. But once the vomiting begins I miss work.

When Jon was unemployed the great debate was whether or not he should get a job with travel. I said no, he agreed...but there were always...yes, but...yes, but...and - yes, but.

I work in a fast paced higher education setting. I also chose to cover a maternity leave which meant a bit more pay but a lot more work as my husband still had not found work. I did this in the best interests of my family.

Shortly afterwards, Jon got a job, with travel. He travelled the entire month of October, while I worked and sported a big ass cast on my foot after having fallen down a quaint path of steps. I also continued to take care of my daughter. And that month I was up for 48 hours one weekend trying to get her help for her migraines. She got better in time for me to get one full night's sleep before going back to work, thoroughly exhausted and in pain from having to whip my cast off to drive around where I live trying to seek medical help for my daughter on a Sunday morning. I lost count after 11 hours just how many hours she vomited in total.

So last night Normandie shows signs of a migraine headache while we're out to dinner at one of our favourite Mexican restaurants. We decide to put her into our bed on my side, give her some ibuprofen, and let her sleep in our bed, sending Jon to sleep in the next room. That works best for us so that I'm right there in case she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming with head pains, stomach pains, or projectile and cyclical vomiting, or all of the aforementioned. It beats running to the next room.

Jon left for work while I was making Normandie and I some breakfast as well as prepping our lunches. She had a stomach ache still when she woke up so I eliminated the hunger pangs by feeding her a big pancake. Her stomach ache got to the point where she was in distress. So I put her into my bed in the dark and gave her more ibuprofen as stomach pains are one of the signs of her migraines.

I emailed work, phoned her sitter and the school and then waited for the meds to take effect. They worked. I walked her to school, walked the dog, called the sitter back to ask her to pick my daughter up from school after all. I also emailed work that I would be in shortly, all the while working on email from home. My boss let me know that my husband was frantically looking for me and called work and home and I was not at either place.

I called him to let him know that everything was alright and that I needed to go to work.

Tonight, Normandie had another upset stomach and she seemed reluctant to go to bed so I suggested that she lie down on the couch and just relax and watch some TV until she got sleepy. I was trying to help her chill out. Then she started freaking out about a plantar's wart on her foot and she clained that a spike was coming out of it and that it really stings. I explained that when I was little I sometimes would get a plantar's wart and that it hurt to walk on and sometimes stung but they eventually go away. Jon called at this point and I asked him to talk to her to settle her down which usually works.

It was 8:30 p.m. when he called and after he talked to her for five minutes she was even more worked up so I decided it was time she went to bed. She needed sleep bad. I said to her that she should say goodnight to her daddy and that she should tell him that she loves him and before I know it she hangs up.

He's somewhere in the U.S. I have no idea if he got to his destination. I don't know what hotel he's staying in, nor do I know his phone number. Oh, and he's not answering his cell. Great.

He picked a job with travel, he's inaccessible, he gets to freak out, but when things sound crazy here he goes about his own day ignoring me.

So why am I working again? Where's the balance when I'm trying so hard to practice balance?

Do you find it hard to work and manage your children and your family life? Please share your thoughts.

Charity begins where I live, work and play

2010-12-15T17:43:00.000-08:00

I've donated food, money and clothing to local charities this season.

Last year Jon was unemployed and we chose to pare down our spending and lived in fear that one day we too would need a helping hand from charity. After just over a year Jon found a job and we're free to breathe.

I've always donated food, money and clothing, but this time I made a concerted effort to make good choices. The following are some of the choices we made in our family:

donated food through the Girl Guides of Canada. It teaches young people to donate food to hungry people and feeds our local families and individuals in need.
gave money at work to go directly to buying food that is needed by families directly linked to where I work.
gave money at work to go towards one woman's plight as her husband just lost his job and things are tight and she is worried.
donated clothing that goes to the Diabetes Association.

Some of our donations go to bigger organizations, but the donation I felt was most worth it, was giving money at work for an individual who is married and her family is struggling this Christmas. Tis the season to be generous.

To get a flu shot or to not get a flu shot - that is the question

2010-12-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

In the late 1980's I got the flu about six times over the fall and winter. I was attending York University at the time which had a large multi-cultural population, and significantly a great deal of the students were doing a great deal of travel as foreign students. I also worked at The Keg restaurant, touching people's food after they had finished eating. I was highly exposed to anyone and anything.

My doctor said that it was time for me to start getting a flu shot. At that time it was uncommon for someone my age to get the vaccination. It was more common for seniors.

I've had flu shots ever since and most years I would not catch the flu, but the odd year I would catch a flu bug that likely wasn't in the vaccination. I missed less school, and work, and when I went to work full-time I usually didn't use all of my sick days. So I would take a random sick day in December to finish my Christmas shopping instead.

The last two years I have experienced side effects from the flu shot. The first time I had the chills, a fever, body aches and pains, and fatigue for 48 hours. I figured that two days was better than two weeks of illness.

I have been in the hospital twice one year within 12 hours getting an IV I was so dehydrated from vomiting from the flu. I also had to ask for help with my chronic pain one year at the hospital. I asked them to help me control my vomiting so that I could take my pain meds. They offered me something stronger. I declined. I said that if they could stop me from vomiting that I would take my prescribed medication, thank you very much. They helped me get back on my feet.

Last year, I had the H1N1 innoculation. My GP already suspected that I had already contracted it, but he and I talked and for the safety of all the members in my family, as we all have asthma, I got the H1N1 shot. So did Jon and Normandie. Immediately after I had my needle I felt the stuff go through my arm and down my left leg. We were sitting in a waiting area for five minutes in case we had an allergic reaction. I didn't say anything as I have experienced many side effects and some allergic reactions to medications, in addition to foods and perfumes.

Jon told me to say something. I pictured being placed in one of the ambulances waiting outside. I said to him to take me home and just to keep an eye on me. I know what my body is like. I had aches, pains, malaise, fatigue, fever and chills for the next 72 hours.

My GP suggested that maybe it's the eggs in the vaccination.

At this point I haven't had the flu shot this season. I'm not so sure I'm going to get one again, until I seem to get the flu way too many times in one year again.

Do you choose to get the flu shot? Or do you choose not to? We all have valid reasons for or against.

Balancing work and family responsibilities

2010-11-29T15:12:00.000-08:00

Normandie was diagnosed with migraines last month.

I spent a number of months charting how often they happened, what time of day or night, and what she ate, and I started to see a pattern. That information helped me give a solid history of symptoms which helped lead to a diagnosis.

November was terrible for my daughter. She was having migraines at any time of the day or night. Sometimes I could see signs of them coming on and sometimes I would wake up to my daughter or Jon calling me to come and help in the middle of the night. She had so many migraines last month that I don't know if she had one long lasting migraine that had peaks and valleys over a one week period, or if she had six separate migraines.

We are waiting to see a paediatric specialist in January. In the meantime, we have a back-up plan if we are not able to control her pain or vomiting ourselves with the medications we have. So now we wait.

I have a Christmas party coming up at work in one and a half weeks, and Jon has chosen to work that night. At this point, I would feel fine leaving her with her father, but not with a babysitter. There are too many variables on how to control her migraines. I try and nip them in the bud if I can, I decide what medications she takes and when, I decide what she drinks or eats and when. I'm not trying to be a control freak, I'm simply minimizing the chances of her getting one in the first place, I look for first signs of a migraine and then I need to be able to pounce on the headache or vomiting with the medication that I think is best at the time.

When I told my supervisor at work that I'm staying home with Normandie because Jon is travelling and I don't feel comfortable leaving her with a babysitter because of her migraines, but that I feel lucky that she gets to see a specialist as soon as January, all she said was "Hm." It's my daughter's health that I'm worried about and I can't leave it in the hands of a teenager. Staying home is what makes most sense right now. That will change. We will go out on dates again, and go to celebratory parties for work. But for now, my daughter's health comes first.

So much to balance between work and family. Do you find yourself having to balance work and family life more than you thought you would ever have to? Please feel free to share your story.

Sometimes things happen for a reason

2010-11-24T17:20:00.001-08:00

After two weeks of being ignored by my boss, like no eye contact, we have a meeting and she lets me know that she's been to HR because of me.

She was angry, hurt and even though she says she's sorry and hugged me she is continuing her behaviours. For example, I said that I am happy to work within guidelines and with deadlines and her response was that I would be getting a new deadline - do it now.

So was she really sorry and willing to work with me? I think not.

As things would have it, our meeting was interrupted and we had to end early. Since the meeting was going nowhere but downhill I think that the interruption happened for a reason. It was so that I didn't have to listen to the bull roar any longer.

I have to let HR know how it's going and I'm not inviting them back. I'll just keep updating them I guess. This really sucks. Glad that there is retail therapy though.

Do you have a bully at work? If you have a story to share, please feel free.

What's normal for Ann and NaNoWriMo

2010-11-14T06:58:00.000-08:00

This year is my first year joining NaNoWriMo.

I have learned a great deal already by joining this self-involved contest:

1) That I needed to get the right tools to do the right job. So far I have a new laptop, and I intend to figure out what writing software and blogging software that I want to download to make my passion more plausible.

2) That even though I'm not meeting the NaNoWriMo word count goals which means that I could fail the challenge, I still win. Signing up for Nano has made me write more, write faster, think about building characters, themes, plots and creating a visual board for future writing endeavours. And it has made me blog more too. And I'm reading and writing and talking about both interests online and with people in person who also share one or both interests.

3) I have written some awesome sentences that can launch new book ideas in my NaNoWriMo WIP.

4) Others around me are seeing me as a writer. I have been considered a writer since I sold my first script to CBC when I was a teen and I'm still building on that.

Are you participating in NaNoWriMo? Please share your stories with me in the comments section.

For the Love of Pete (whomever he is)

2010-11-09T19:11:00.000-08:00

My husband's freaking out a lot more than I am about my discussion with HR tomorrow morning. The only thing that I'm worried about is that my office mate returns to work tomorrow and because of lack of privacy in the office and lack of physical accessibility to HR, I may have to have a frank phone conversation right in ear shot of my co-worker.

I have been having difficulty with conflicts with my boss over the last couple of months that didn't even stop after I fell down the steps, and even when I returned to work with my cast on full-time.

I get yelled at, snipped at, given disagreeable looks, undermined, thrown under the bus, made to look incompetent in front of others, and the list goes on. How about I include she's gone through my belongings on my desk twice and decided what she can take off my desk and what she can throw out.

I went to HR and told them my more than one month long story.

I was taught skills on how to deal with her. Then the next day, I received another surprise reprimand and sent an email to the HR person asking her to come over or send someone else over.

That was last Thursday, and I was to hear back this Monday. I heard back today, then we played phone tag. I sent off another email. With time passing I asked if I should just have a meeting with my boss as originally planned and seemed to throw a wrench into the works. Now HR wants to know how things are going and do I want to proceed with someone coming over. Of course I do. Played phone tag again.

I am to call my HR contact tomorrow at 8 a.m. and wearing my arrogance armour instead of my nice, happy voice, I will say that yes, please come over and help me deal with my issues. I'm competent and my supervisor likes to take her crap out on me. I will let them know that I will not be having a resolution session in my meeting with her and that I will act as though it's business as usual but will wear my managing up hat as it may be needed. But yes, my email from last Thursday still stands and I will do nothing until I hear what the next steps are and that I eagerly, yet patiently wait.

Are you now, or have you ever been bullied at work? Please share in the comments section.

The MS Debate

2010-11-08T19:25:00.000-08:00

MS in this case stands for multiple sclerosis - I wish it stood for manuscript.

Four years ago my persistent symptoms of parasthesia, numbness, tingling, falling, feeling off, weakness and much more came to an end, or so it seemed. Now it has returned and has given me a rude awakening.

In the summer time I was out in the heat at a children's park and zoo, thoroughly enjoying spending time with my family, and enjoying the break from work. Then that evening I couldn't feel my lower legs, on both sides, from below the knees down. I did my familiar dance of the feet, stomp, stomp, darn you stomp, and still no feeling. I rested my legs and they just felt, well, dead. So I told my husband and he said to go off to bed. I lay in bed with my body pillow, resting my legs, and my husband said that he'd check on me in a while. I couldn't feel the pillow below my calves. I couldn't feel the sheet on my feet. I touched my deadened legs with my fingers and felt nothing.

The next morning when I got up the numbness gradually went away.

Fast forward to the end of September. I'm having a super stressful week at work soon to be put into perspective. I experienced the numbness in my lower legs again, much more on than off over a three day period. Then the inevitable happened, and this time there was a pattern. Three days later I fell down a pathway of steps. My legs went out from under me.

I had momentum going because I just dropped my daughter off at brownies and had an hour to myself. So I decided to run to the hairdressers, thinking wouldn't it be nice to grow my short hair out again. The momentum mixed with the fall caused me to bounce when I hit the sloping ground. My right foot screamed in pain, my left knee killed, my hands and wrists, my stomach and breasts took the brunt of the fall, and as I was falling I felt like I was watching my belongings, my purse, and some papers fly out in front of me through a small picture window. My perception seemed to be off.

Two Spanish speaking people, a man and a woman, tried to pick me up. You can't move a person who has just fallen. I found myself, batting at them with my arms and at one point telling them to eff off. I didn't mean to be so rude - I was protecting myself.

I felt stuck. My mom friends gathered around me and one just happens to be a nurse. She asked me questions about my health, how I was feeling, looked at my medic alert bracelet. That's when I blurted out that this isn't the first time that this has happened to me. That my legs just gave way again.

Nurse mom and a couple of other friends rolled me over on my left side. I felt stuck and didn't have the strength to move myself, even though I already had my good cry from pain, had relaxed myself and focussed on my breathing that I learned through practicing mindfulness meditation for more than three years. I felt stuck, highly weak, paralysed even.

The female paramedic asked me my name. And she said,

"Mrs. Stanland it's a bit early to be this plastered on a Monday night."

I needed the laugh, and she has my sense of humour.

She noticed that I had an irregular heartbeat and freezing cold hands. She monitored me in the ambulance on the ride to the hospital to see how irregular it was.

The doctors and nurses in emerg were nice enough. They only paid attention to my swollen ankle and my other symptoms were ignored, even though I requested that they check out my irregular heartbeat.

My GP later had me wear a heart monitor which seemed to be OK, but he said that I had a fast heart beat 22% of the time. I asked if he would send me to a cardiologist to do a stress test on my heart. He's agreed, but I have to wait for my ankle to get better.

He then said,

"So I guess you're ready for another MRI then?"

I said yes. Hell, I'm scared that the next time I fall that I may break my neck.

I am undiagnosed with chronic pain and neurological deficits going on for 7 1/2 years now.

How about you? Do you have an undiagnosed condition? Have you been diagnosed with an illness that scares the crap out of you sometimes? Please feel free to share your story in the comments section.

Emotional Vampires

2010-08-11T18:34:00.000-07:00

I love the term emotional vampire.

I first heard it when I participated in a chronic pain management program. I have had many people come and go in my life who I would label emotional vampires. People like this suck the life out of you, they're negative, they make you feel crappy about yourself, sometimes you watch them make other people feel terrible, and they are draining. Since I was ready to manage my pain I chose to learn who the emotional vampires are and to kick them to the curb.

My daughter Normandie has a best friend, Eve, whom we have visit most Saturdays. She comes in the morning and goes home after dinner. She is smart, a delight, and makes my daughter truly happy. She is always welcome in my home.

Her mother, Collette, is an emotional vampire. Her husband was charged with domestic violence, she lives with him, she doesn't live with him, she lives with him, she kicks him out again only to let him back in again. I hear the whole sob story. She makes two more babies with him.

Collette has Normandie over one afternoon (I make sure that the husband isn't home) and she phones me three times in two hours - the first two calls she makes because the girls are arguing and she doesn't know what to say to my daughter. The third time it's because my daughter has a splinter - fair enough.

Every time Collette drops Eve off at my house she complains about her life, I don't know, pick a topic she can put a bad spin on it.

I read Collette's tragic Facebook postings. I want to tell her to eat the book Eat, Pray, Love and after that, get a life.

The one time Collette took Normandie out she came by and I was sick in bed - she took money from my husband for an ice cream and went to the park with four girls and got ice cream and was back on our doorstep within the hour.

Three days ago I picked up Eve and I took the two girls out to the movies - I paid for everything. Her daughter then came to my house and she was to stay until a hour or so after dinner. Then she said that she felt sick to her stomach, she had a belly ache, and was warm to the touch.

I called her mom to tell her the symptoms and to pick her up and she sounded highly annoyed.

Three days later on facebook I post somethng funny. She leaves a comment that has nothing to do with what I was talking about and she said,

After I picked Eve up she wasn't sick nor did she become sick. And thanks again.

So am I supposed to wait for the full throwing up to occur before I call? That's not my job. And silly me says that next time I'll keep her. But you know what, I think that next time I will call again. Because calling her is the right thing to do. She's visiting, I'm not babysitting her.

Actually, I'm going back on fb now to send her a private message to let her know that I will always call her when her daughter is unwell. After all the mom is at home and just down the street...

...DID IT AND POSTED FOR ALL TO SEE. I replied appropriately and after rereading it, it's very nicely stated and I said that I've changed my mind that I will always call her when her daughter is visiting and feeling unwell.

There - I put up the boundaries and either this emotional vampire will get angry and there goes my daughter's friendship, which is not my intention, or she'll heed my boundaries and know that there are certain lines that you can't cross with this mother.

Hubby just read the thread on Facebook and he shook his head and repeated that wasn't it inconvenient and annoying for her when she had to come and pick up her sick kid. He didn't like her comment and he thought that my reply that I changed my mind was friendly and fine.

He also said:

Once you start attacking your friends there are not many people left to talk to
and to offer support.

Do you have an emotional vampire in your life? Do tell.

Times have changed - where has the civility gone?

2010-07-31T08:07:00.000-07:00

This is not normal!

After I read Normandie one chapter from her Judy Moody novel, as part of her bedtime routine, she let me know that at camp they played dodge ball.

I asked her if they played by the rule that you're only to hit legs. She said yes it was the rule but...and this is a big but.

It was camp counsellors against the children (ages seven to 13). One female counsellor hit her in the stomach with a ball and it hurt but the feeling went away. Then a male counsellor hit her on the side of her head, and she smacked the other side of her head on the wall and it knocked her glasses. One side of her head is bruised - I know, because she won't let me touch it.

The counsellors seem to be three times her age. When is this type of behaviour ever appropriate when minding young children? I think never!

I signed a waiver form when she first started that I would not hold them liabel for any injuries that may occur - I'm sure that it doesn't mean that it's OK to lob a ball at a young girl's head and that the waiver covers that type of injury too.

I can't believe how many times I choose to stand up for my daughter because of the carelessness of others. Where has the civility gone?

And to think that when I phone them first thing next week to complain and strongly suggest that the manager needs to have a meeting with the camp counsellors on conduct and safety regarding the children in their care - I will have to be civil for them to take me seriously.

Laxatives and a near death experience

2010-07-17T16:10:00.001-07:00

As a teenager, my first allergic reaction was to dust, in an old church which resulted in hives and easily went away with medication.

Once I took an over the counter laxative only to find myself in my driveway lying on a stretcher feeling all floaty and relaxed and not understanding why the paramedic was yelling,

"I can't find her pulse!"

I recall looking at my husband and wondering why he was crying at my feet.

My doctor later explained to me with two simple words "You were" and waving his hand.

Now as an adult I have food allergies and sensitivities. It has caused me to pass out from terrible abdominal pains which I didn't even know was considered an anaphylactic reaction.

After spending a couple of years with a great naturopath who cleaned up my diet I thought I had a handle on the situation.

Now I'm back to rashes, pains, and gastrointestinal problems.

I'm back to vegetables, meat and plant proteins, limited carbs, water and green tea.

I'm allergic to dairy and wheat, then a couple of months ago I added eggs to that list.

Now I'm certain and so is my doctor, that even though I've had all the bloodwork done that I have Celiac disease. After not eating bread for months on end I went and ate some spelt pizza and bagels. My pain, rashes and insomia returned.

I can add tomatoes to the list of sensitivities, along with perfumes.

Yesterday, I couldn't digest my soy yogurt. It came out both ends of me. Perhaps a little TMI? Allergies can be rather gross.

What keeps me going - the knowledge that my rashes will go away, that I can get a full and restfull sleep without waking up with leg pains, and abdominal cramps and feelings like someone turned the heat on.

No more:

sugar
mushrooms
white potatoes
fried foods
dairy
wheat/gluten
soy
tomatoes
eggs

As I sit in front of my co-workers eating carrots and cucumbers they want to know where my lunch is. If this is what makes me feel better then this is what I have to do.

This recession bites

2010-07-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

The recession affects my family.

Before it wormed its way into our home, I was aware of other neighbours losing their jobs, seeing one couple across the street having a screaming match at three a.m. that went on for 20 minutes and I had to urge my husband to call the police to protect the woman and a child in her home after her husband couldn't take the pressure anymore.

Then my husband was laid off. And now a year later we're still living with the recession in our home like a statue that we don't like. It sits there and stares at us while we try and figure out how to make things easier. It eats away at my husband's confidence and self-esteem. Our strong and positive relationship easily melts from a ridiculous argument. It pares down funds for food and the family erodes even while we hang on to hope, the future, and the next best thing - they never seem to knock at our door.

I miss the comfortable life, the relaxed atmosphere at home, the laughter, and the ease.

It's complicated and I want it to be over. If I could do this part of my life again differently, I would. But there doesn't seem to be a great deal of choices.

I can't see what I'm supposed to learn from this poor circumstance like I could when I had to deal with my chronic pain.

I grew up with parents who were either broke or poor. There is no lesson in this for me.

I don't want history to repeat for my daughter, after all, I've been doing the right things to have the family, the house, the car, the dog, and food.

What's going on here?

2010-06-27T08:31:00.000-07:00

Jon and I had de-cluttered and prepped for a yard sale. We put the listing on Kijiji and Craigs List and I posted it for my contacts on Facebook.

Our plan was to get up and start putting our treasures on the lawn at 6:30 a.m. Sunday morning, so we decided to pack everything into the TV room and family room on Saturday.

After we tucked Normandie into bed, I found a corner of the couch to sprawl on, and Jon sat in the Lazy-Boy. There was nothing much on TV and we decided to watch Hoarders.

A few months ago I had stopped watching hoarding shows because I thought that they were taking advantage of people who have a mental illness by showing us how crappy their lives were and I never once saw the resolution or proper help given to hoarders - it seems that they are being exploited.

Saturday night I made an exception because we were getting rid of a great deal of things that had sentimental value to both of us and felt a little hard to get rid of. I wanted to somehow relate.

As the program started, Jon waved between the pieces of furniture and household items that were stacked between us and I laughed and waved back. We thought we were so clever that we did that a few times.

Fifteen minutes into the show I heard Normandie crying. She had strep throat and so Jon went upstairs to check her out first because he is very calming for my daughter (awww.) I got up a minute later when he didn't come back downstairs.

She had gone to bed with a headache and had woken up with head pain and vomiting. After she had a kicking and screaming fit in her bed, and I asked her repeatedly who she thought I was with no answer, Jon said that he wanted to get her to the hospital.

We got organized, but couldn't get her out of the house because of the severe head pain, which would then be followed by vomiting.

I called 911.

The paramedics arrived, and the first thing the big guy said was,

"What's going on around here?"

as he took a sweeping glance around both rooms.

I then said,

""We're not hoarders, we're just having a yard sale tomorrow."

He laughed.

No one could seem to make a decision on what to do with my daughter so I asked that they take us to the hospital.

Nurses watched her fall asleep, wake up with head pain, vomit, then go back to sleep, over and over again.

The doctor came in and looked in her throat and decided that she was to go off the antibiotic for strep throat and diagnosed her with a virus.

This is the second time in four years that she has woken up with severe head pain followed by vomiting.

Migraines?

I don't know but I'm going to have to put a plan in place for when it happens again -because if it happens one more time then it's time to see a specialist.

She had a CT Scan the first time which showed no brain tumour. That was a freaky time.

P.S. We postponed the yard sale and now we get to live like hoarders for a week.

Did you ever feel scared when your child was sick? Feel free to share in the comments section.

Nostalgia = chicken fingers?

2010-06-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

I made my daughter chicken fingers for lunch on Friday. I had the day off work and my daughter was at home sick.

As I was putting her chicken fingers and fries on a plastic plate I had a hit of nostalgia for the old times.

Memories of making Normandie chicken fingers before her recreational gymnastics classes.

Will you always remember where you were when?

2010-06-23T16:15:00.000-07:00

Will you always remember where you were when the earth shook?

I will. I was at work.

I felt a little nauseated and couldn't figure out why and then the building began to rumble and vibrate a bit more than usual which we had been experiencing on and off with construction going on next door.

Then the building began to sway more than shake. Of course we're all women in the office and we get up and run out of the lunch room. Three women were trying to stop the plant from falling off a shelf and I was yelling,

"Get yourself in a doorway! Get yourself into a doorway!"

I had positioned myself in the doorway so that no one could share, but one woman did come into the doorway with me. The room was swaying back and forth and all I could think was why are they still trying to catch the stupid plant. There were a couple of seconds when I couldn't focus on my co-workers.

When the swaying seemed to lessen I ran across the room and took the damn plant down and got back into the doorway.

I gave my dad freedom for father's day

2010-06-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

This may sound a bit rough, but by not celebrating father's day and more importantly, not attending my dad's wedding, I hope I have given him the freedom to live the way he chooses to live his life.

In return, I'm doing myself the same favour.

What's up with the lice stigma?

2010-06-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

I've always sat a little on my high horse looking down at those who choose to do the wrong thing.

This time I think I need to shake things up a little.

What I did right when I found out that my Normandie had lice:

Called parents whose children had recent contact with her.

Called her babysitter.

Called her school and asked them to send out a notice and told them that we're keeping her at home.

I also volunteered at my daughter's school and donated money and goods, like tissues and markers.

What others did wrong:

The babysitter didn't tell me her daughter had lice one month ago while my daughter was in her care.

One of the parents I called took a day before she called back to say that she was terribly sorry that she sent her girls to the babysitter and school with lice.

When we asked the school to send some schoolwork and homework home with another child to put into our mailbox, and we live super close to the school, we were told that they didn't make house calls like doctors used to.

Husband said to the school that daughter's lice was getting better - really? Like the 2 hours and 45 minutes I spent pulling nits out of her hair the night before means getting better?!?

What I'm going to do:

Babysitter will have to tell us when there is something contagious going around in her home so that we can make the choice.

Sending her back to school so that she can participate in play day this week.

Never donating another item or money, unless of course I'm buying something for my daughter.

Never volunteering there again - I don't make free school calls.

The first day of school was hell for Normandie. Girls, parents and the school all acted like she was the icky one, when we know for a fact that other girls in other grades had it at least one month ago. One parent told her daughter that she was not to play with my daughter.

So for her second day of school I went into work late because I walked her to school, wearing my mommy armour, but I didn't have to use it.

My own little mayo clinic

2010-06-11T19:25:00.000-07:00

Lice.

It was completely normal for me to drive dangerously to the local drugstore for the common insect pesticide, yes, the real toxic stuff for my daughter, Normandie's hair. I said to the pharmacist,

"I'm not mucking around, give me the best toxic stuff you have."

Damn bug's not crawling through my dear daughter's fine locks.

Well, change of heart and reformed environmentalist, I am greatly
displeased with the excema outbreak on the back of my daughter's scalp and the
rashes that appeared on my own hands.

Bugs and eggs killed though.

Four days later, they're back. Visit doctor for direction after picking
eggs out of Normandie's hair with fingernails.

"Mayonnaise on scalp and hair with a shower cap overtop and leave on
overnight,"

said he. We'll see if he is the good doctor.

Feeling less toxic and a wee bit more natural, it's normal for me to feel a little more environmentally responsible - for human health.

Good line - funny or sad

2010-06-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

My husband Jon called mum in England and my cousin Paul answered the phone. Mum wasn't there, she already went on vacation. With his thick Warwickshire accent he was hard to understand.

I was munching on chips and salsa for lunch when Jon asked me how old Paul is. Quietly calculating the figure in my head, picturing my cousin and I at younger ages, I figured he was 30ish.

Jon asked me if he ever lived away from home and I answered,

"Only when he was in jail."

After a moment of silence, we both burst out laughing.

Yet after a few minutes I felt sad for my cousin. The only time he has been out on his own was when he spent two years in jail. Ouch.